


Mental Chains

by jesuisherve



Series: Escaping The Tomb [1]
Category: Escape Plan (2013)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Break Up, Domestic Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gay Male Character, M/M, Male Slash, Mental Instability, Nightmares, Self-Mutilation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 03:19:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1210675
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesuisherve/pseuds/jesuisherve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ray has fallen out of love with Abigail. Something changed when he was in the Tomb. He craves the bond he had with Emil Rottmayer or Victor Mannheim, or whatever he's calling himself. And how can you escape the mental prison after breaking out of the physical one?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> basically i'm a flaming homosexual and a staunch believer that everything can be improved with queer characters. I just really loved the chemistry between Emil and Ray. Brotp or Otp i fucking adore them.

Ray remembered the moment he realized that he had fallen out of love with Abigail.

_He was watching her make coffee. It was as if the morning had been taken out of a badly written novel, or a low budget romance movie. There was sun streaming through the window, her hair was lit up and she was gorgeous. Fondness welled up in his chest, and that struck him as wrong. Since when had the love that he used to feel for her turned into this pale imitation of emotion? As of late a lot of things felt unreal, like he was experiencing someone else’s life and watching through his own eyes but up until now he thought that his love for Abigail had been solid._

_“Ray,” she said, putting a cup of coffee in front of him. Her face was impossible to read. He lifted the mug, felt the weight and heat of it. He skimmed the pad of his thumb over the surface of the coffee. It was fresh and boiling hot. It burned, but he kept a straight face. He was used to how burns felt at this point. He burned himself every now and then to make sure he was still in reality. The sensation from this new burn brought him to the present, which forced him to focus completely on Abigail._

_“What’s wrong, Ray?” Abigail sat across the table from him. “Ever since the Tomb you haven’t been yourself.”_

_“Mmm,” Ray sipped the coffee. Perfect. Abigail always made a perfect cup._

_Abigail’s eyes were the only crack in her mask. They were dark and large and Ray reached out for her hand. She let him take it but didn’t react to his touch. “I can’t help you if you don’t talk to me.”_

“Talk to me.”

_Emil had told him the same thing in the Tomb, kept him grounded, kept him present. Emil’s words were as much as an anchor as the burns from the coffee were. Ray needed Emil, someone to talk and relate to. How could he describe the things that had happened to him in the Tomb to Abigail, or how those things made him feel? More accurately, how those things had stolen the ability to feel from him. He had nightmares most nights, sometimes even when he tried to nap during the day. The lack of sleep was taking a toll on him. His dreams always involved being trapped in a coffin. In the dreams he could hear a priest giving a sermon and people crying. They hadn’t buried him yet. He would scream but no one took notice. He would claw at the coffin lid but it was sealed shut. He would pound on it until his skin split and blood was pouring sticky warm down his hands and his fingernails would tear out caught on the lid’s wood. When he was awake, he was exhausted and anxious. He was suffering and it was making Abigail suffer, too._

_“Is there someone else?” Abigail asked in a tone that was usually reserved for things like the weather or asking how one’s day was. Ray almost missed the question because of it._

_Someone else. Was there? He had never cheated on Abigail. He could never. He was very dedicated to her. But was there? He looked down at the steaming coffee in front of him._ Emil _. Emil was the ‘someone else’. He felt like he was going to vomit up his entire stomach. He had fallen for Emil while in the Tomb. Was it real love or just a desperate scramble for someone who could understand him? Ray was not sure at first. They had never been physical together. It was more of an intense emotional connection, but somehow it had bloomed into a twisted sort of dependence, a touch away from love; and then continued to grow until Ray knew he was irreversibly infatuated with the other man._

_He knew he had to say something. Abigail was staring at him. She had taken her hand back from his. How long had passed since she had asked the question? Ray felt sweat bead on his forehead. “Emil.” He finally said. “I think I fell for him.”_

_“The guy you escaped with?” she said in the same conversational voice. Her eyes were now completely masked. Ray couldn’t read what she was feeling._

_“I’m sorry.” He said. He sipped his coffee. Perfect. Abigail always made a perfect cup._

_She gave him a week to move out._

* * *

Victor had given Ray his cell number. He had a few phones; some for his top secret business affairs, others for more domestic uses such as speaking with his daughter about ordinary things or keeping in touch with friends who knew nothing about his work. Victor had given Ray the number for his regular cell phone. It was traceable but he never conducted sketchy business on it. It was registered with an average cell service provider. It could also be used to give him an alibi. Texting or calling on it would make a time stamp show up on his cell record. It was easy for investigators from either side of the law to check out and would probably influence them to rule him out as the man they were pursuing. This was a handy little trick that he used even when out of the country. He would just leave the phone with his daughter and she would continue his cellular activity as normal.

When his regular cell phone rang, Victor expected it to be his daughter but the caller ID was flashing the name “Ray”. Victor looked at the ringing phone in his hand curiously for a second before answering it.

“Ray? What’s up?”

“Emil, where are you?” Ray asked. His voice cracked a little. “Wherever you are, I’ll fly to meet you. I need a place to stay for awhile.”

Victor glanced out his apartment window. He was renting a beautiful penthouse suite under a fake name. Funnily enough, he was in the same city as Ray. It hadn’t been a conscious decision to stick around after escaping the Tomb, it was just convenient. “Where are you?” Victor countered.

Ray gave him the address for his house. He had the majority of his things packed. Abigail was not home. It had been two days since their conversation over breakfast and she had been spending as much time as possible out of the house. Ray was sitting in the front foyer of the house, bags beside him and head cradled in one hand.

“I’ll be there soon,” Victor hung up. What was wrong?

* * *

Ray was surprised that Emil was in the same city. He had figured that after their escape he would return to Europe. ‘ _Emil’s been so close this whole time and I never knew.’_ Ray’s heart was pounding. Emil— no, Victor, that was his real name, was coming to pick him up. It was hard for Ray to switch the names in his head. He had known him as ‘Emil’ first and had fallen for Emil, not for Victor. It was true that they were the same person, the name didn’t really matter, but Emil was what always stuck in Ray’s mind.

Fifteen minutes later Victor’s big SUV pulled up into Ray’s driveway. The house was a large mansion in the rich part of town; Ray made a lot of money and could afford it. Victor switched the engine off and got out. He walked up to the front step, tiny stones crunching under his shoes, and knocked on the door.

Ray opened it. They stared at each other in silence. Victor had a large grin on his face, Ray had no expression. EmilVictor suddenly grabbed him in a hug and pushed them both into the foyer, swinging the door shut with a kick. Ray gasped as he was crushed by the other man. Victor’s eyes held laughter and concern in them. “What happened?” Victor asked when he released Ray from the hug.

“Abigail and I broke up,” Ray said, waving his hand at the bags sitting off to the left. “She gave me a week to move out. I couldn’t think of anywhere else to go until I pull myself together. I didn’t know you were here already.”

Victor shrugged. “I needed a base of operation, somewhere to re-establish myself. This was just the most convenient until it’s safe to go back to Europe.”

Ray nodded. Victor scratched his beard and gave Ray a quizzical look. “Why the break up? Can I ask?”

“Uh,” the dark haired man dropped his gaze for a brief second, and then looked back to EmilVictor. “She just didn’t get what happened to me in the Tomb. It’s hard to get back to normal. I wasn’t giving her what she needed and deserved.” He couldn’t tell EmilVictor what he really felt. He was far too embarrassed. Despite his strong feelings towards the other man, he had no idea if they would be returned.

Victor had a keen eye and sharp intuition. He noticed the faint flush that crept across Ray’s face, he had felt the anxiety and craving in the hug they shared, he had felt a spark fly between them when they touched. He even caught sight of small burn scars that dotted the inside of Ray’s forearm. Victor wanted Ray. He had wanted him ever since the Tomb. And now he wanted more than anything to save him. There had been something special between them, something that sprouted while imprisoned together. Victor was not ashamed of his desire for men because he felt it equally for women. Whether Ray felt the same way, or was simply wanting companionship, it didn’t really matter. Victor knew that he would do everything he could to put him back together and help him heal. There were deep wounds left on both of them from the Tomb. Survivors were crutches for other survivors and Victor was the stronger of the two.

The air was heavy. Ray was reluctant to get his bags and toss them in EmilVictor’s vehicle. Part of him hoped that Abigail would want to work it out but a blunt voice in his head told him it would never happen. Abigail knew him too well. Once Ray felt one way, it was virtually impossible to influence it. That’s why it was so hurtful to her for him to have fallen for someone else. She knew that there was something about Emil that was very unique for Ray’s feelings to have changed so dramatically.

Warm hands stroked his face. Ray blinked and saw that Victor had stepped close to him. Their faces were almost touching and then they were. Victor’s lips were against his and the tip of his tongue was gently opening his mouth. Ray started to shrink back but Victor held him there. One hand moved to grip the back of his neck and the other was wrapped around his waist. Ray’s mind was reeling with an explosion of thoughts. _Emil no Victor no Emil no EmilVictor is kissing me his body is solid he’s real this is real I’m feeling again warmth there’s warmth there’s love is this love is this desperation is this anxiety is he my fix is he the solution to this problem how can I escape do I want to escape I don’t want to escape I want to be a part of this I want to be a part of him his hands are warm when did I become this I’m pathetic I want to be strong again I want to be me I want to be his what happened to me yes this is perfect Abigail was perfect but this is perfect now—_

As if Victor could sense Ray’s mixed emotions, he stopped the kiss. He leaned his forehead against Ray’s. “Get your bags. We’ll go to my place.”


	2. Chapter 2

The car ride to Victor’s was quiet. The radio played low in the background. Neither of them spoke. It was unnecessary. It wasn’t though they weren’t talkative men, it was that nothing had to be said at that moment. Ray had a lot to say about the kiss but couldn’t seem to form it into words. The quiet drive to EmilVictor’s apartment was thinking time for him to collect himself and figure out how to say what he meant to say. Victor gave him that time. He supposed he could have waited until Ray had accepted the separation form Abigail more, but he was an upfront kind of man. This was not a political game, it wasn’t a do or die situation. When it came to personal relationships, completely separate from his work, Victor was not going to hide his intentions. If they got to his apartment and Ray told him to fuck off, he would do so. If they got there and Ray wanted to screw his brains out, he’d be ready. If Ray told him he needed time, he would wait.

They took the elevator up to the penthouse. Victor and Ray both carried the bags. They were mostly filled with clothes but there were also books, notepads, and some electronics. Ray would be going back later to move some of his bigger possessions to a storage unit until he decided where to live permanently. He would also go back later that evening to pick up his favourite car. Victor unlocked the penthouse and welcomed Ray to his spacious home. “There’s a guest room that you can take if you want it,” he said, pointing to the hallway where it was located. They deposited Ray’s things there.

“So,” Victor led Ray back to the main sitting room. “We should probably talk.”

“What do you feel for me?” Ray blurted out before he had even sat down across from EmilVictor.

Victor raised an eyebrow and stretched his long legs out before him. He looked completely at ease with himself. “You really need me to spell it out for you?”

“I need it plain and simple so I can decide what to do.”

“Well,” Victor smiled at him. “I think there’s something between us. I think it happened in the Tomb. I think that’s why you and Abigail didn’t work out.”

Ray leaned forward, elbows on his knees and hands laced together tightly. “That’s not what I asked.”

“I want you to be my boyfriend,” Victor said. It was so casual that the statement fell flat. Ray was briefly reminded of how Abigail asked him if there was someone else.

“Boyfriend,” Ray said. What a stupid word. It didn’t suit either of them. _Boyfriend_. Maybe if they were both twenty years younger.

“Is ‘prison bitch’ a better term?” Victor asked with a laugh. “Don’t get caught on the technicalities, Ray. This isn’t a cage you have to escape. You have choices here.”

Ray had to laugh. It was a short, barking laugh but a laugh all the same. Victor’s smile widened. Some of the old Ray was peeking out from under the shell that had been built in his absence. Victor held up his index finger. “A few things. One, my daughter Jessica visits here frequently, this is her place as much as it is mine,” he held up a second finger, “two, you will never get involved in my work and I will never tell you about it so don’t ask,” he held up a third finger, “three, I will probably leave the country for long periods of time but I will always come back if I can,” he held up the fourth finger, “four, if you leave the apartment with me or Jessica not here, there are security measures to be put in place. I will show you.” He stuck out his thumb for the fifth point. “Five. Do not mess around with my DVR. I have shows that I like to record and if you touch them I will be pissed.”

“You’re talking like I’ve already decided to live here.”

“Haven’t you?”

* * *

 

They slept in separate bedrooms the first night. They spent the afternoon going over EmilVictor’s security systems. That evening, they picked up Vietnamese food after getting his car and watched a football game. It was very relaxed, no pressure put on by either of them to make a move. Around nine o’clock, exhaustion was setting in for Ray. It had been an emotionally stressful day. He thanked EmilVictor for letting him stay and said he was going to sleep. EmilVictor joked about tucking him in but a curt smile from Ray was all he needed to know to give Ray some space. He would go to bed himself but not for a few hours. He had some work to do first.

Ray woke up during the night drenched in sweat. The nightmares had not abated at all.

Jessica stopped by first thing in the morning. Victor was already awake and making breakfast. He knew that his daughter was coming and had brewed fresh coffee and started on preparing a huge plate of omelets when she let herself in.

“Hi,” she called, slipping her high heels off and hanging her light jacket at the door. She could smell the coffee and eggs cooking. Her stomach rumbled quietly.

“In here,” Victor called.

She stepped into the kitchen, gave him a greeting kiss on the cheek and sat on a stool at the counter. The kitchen was set up with the fridge, dishwasher and sink on the far right side, the stove adjacent to the sink, and a half-wall on the left which had cupboards on the side closest to the stove and countertop space for eating on the other. Victor poured her a cup of black coffee.

“You didn’t text me all day yesterday,” Jessica said. “Had me a little worried.”

“Something came up,” Victor sprinkled some freshly chopped red peppers into the pan with the eggs. The pan hissed slightly. “Remember Ray Breslin?”

“Of course I do,” Jessica reached over the counter and snagged a chunk of feta cheese from the cutting board. She popped it in her mouth. “Did something happen to him?”

Victor shook his head. “No but he’s moved in here for now.”

Jessica raised both her eyebrows. “Really.” She wasn’t surprised. Her father was a magnet for the most unusual people. She knew that he and Breslin had bonded while in the Tomb together. He had told her a lot about what had happened in there. Not everything, but enough for her to start suspecting that her dad had a crush.

As Victor scooped some of the feta cheese into the frying pan, Ray wandered into the kitchen. He was wearing loose-fitting black bottoms and a grey shirt. He was rubbing his face and his hair was a bit mussed. He had probably just woken up. He looked exhausted but smiled softly when he looked at EmilVictor. He came to a halt when he saw Jessica. “Oh,” he said. “Hi.”

“Hello, Mr. Breslin,” she said pleasantly.

“Call me Ray,” he said. “I didn’t know you were here. I would have gotten dressed.”

“Dad tells me you’ve moved in, so this is your home too. Don’t worry about it.”

Victor switched his attention from the omelets to Ray long enough to direct him to the coffee and to tell him to have a seat at the counter. Ray decided to skip the coffee; it reminded him of breaking up Abigail, and sat next to Jessica.

“I hope you like eggs,” Victor said, putting plates in front of both of them, “I made omelets that I like.” In the omelets there were red peppers, feta and cheddar cheese, green onions, and ham. Neither Jessica nor Ray protested. They smelled great. The toaster popped and Victor tossed a slice of toast on their plates.

After breakfast, Ray said he was going back over to his house. He was going to get some more things and was hoping he would run into Abigail. They needed to talk. While he didn’t explain why he was going, EmilVictor didn’t have to ask. He saw Ray to the door and gave him a quick kiss before he left.

“You’ll be fine,” he said and winked. Ray kissed him again, a bit longer and deeper this time, and muttered ‘thanks’ before ducking out the door.

Jessica pretended that she hadn’t been listening hard to what they were saying when her dad returned to the kitchen. “New boyfriend?” she asked casually, lifting the coffee mug to her lips.

Victor made a see-saw motion with his hand. “Maybe.”

* * *

 

Ray sat in his car, hands gripping the steering wheel. His knuckles were white and his body felt very rigid. He had kissed EmilVictor goodbye at the door like they were a couple. They were a couple. How had this happened so fast? One minute he was split up with Abigail, the woman he had loved for years, the next he was kissing a man he had known for a fraction of that time. He shook his head. He got out of his car and found the key to the house on his keyring. He wondered if Abigail was home. If she was, he hoped she hadn’t noticed that he had arrived. He had sat in his car for a good ten minutes in the driveway, trying to muster up the courage to go inside. It was embarrassing.

He let himself into the house and called out “hello?” to announce his arrival. He was answered back by a soft “hi” from the living room. He walked over, hands jammed in his pockets. Abigail was sitting on a couch, a book face down in her lap. Her glasses were folded on the little table beside her. She didn’t like reading with them on.

“Hey,” he said, the word catching in his throat. He coughed once. “I’m just getting more stuff. I’ll be mostly moved out soon.” His voice was stronger.

“Okay.” Abigail looked at the book, marked the page, and closed it. She set the book aside and stood. Her arms were folded over her chest. It wasn’t an aggressive stance, more like she was hugging herself. “Did you find an okay place to stay?”

“Yeah,” he replied. He wasn’t going to tell her it was with Emil. That would cause pain that he didn’t want her to feel. She would have to know eventually, but not today.

“I want to stay friends,” she said. “We still work together, and I do love you, but I think we also need some time apart.”

He agreed with her. They needed some time to themselves. “I’ll tell Hush that we’re taking a break from work for awhile,” he paused, “should I tell him we’re... we’re not together anymore?”

Abigail nodded. Ray shuffled his feet. “I’m really sorry,” he said.

“Me too.”


	3. Chapter 3

“He struggles to call me ‘Victor’.”

Jessica laughed. “What do you mean?”

They were doing the dishes from breakfast. Victor was washing and she was putting away. “He always wants to call me ‘Emil’. I can hear him almost call me ‘Emil’ every time before he says Victor.”

“That’s pretty funny,” Jessica said. She never had a problem switching between her dad’s names. To her, he would always be ‘Dad’, but she had no problem calling him whatever name the situation dictated she call him. She was pretty curious about how Dad and Ray had hooked up. She wasn’t going to pry, it wasn’t really her business, but her dad would probably tell her soon anyway. They had a good adult relationship, almost more friendship than parent-child. He hadn’t been around much when she was little. Jessica didn’t resent him for it. She knew that he it wasn’t his choice to be so absent. Dangerous work had kept him away. It was safer for her and her mother for him to keep his distance. When she had grown up, her dad often told her about his romantic relationships. He and her mom were not on particularly good terms anymore, but Jessica didn’t let that bother her. Dad was his own person. He and Mom hadn’t been together for a long time, so it was no problem if he sought romance elsewhere. She often gave him her approval on his dates.

So far she approved of Ray. After all, he had rescued her father from the Tomb. She knew a lot about him on the outside. She knew his credentials, how good he was at his job, his work ethic, his determination. She knew everything about Ray Breslin that could be written in a CIA file about him. What she didn’t know was how he would treat her dad. Again, it wasn’t her business. She wasn’t worried that Ray would break Victor’s heart or anything sentimental like that. Her father always bounced back from failed relationships within a few days. If her dad was happy, then she was happy. Ray was simply a removable factor in the equation.

 

* * *

 

Abigail told him to keep the key to the house. It was still under both of their names and it wasn’t like they would never be on good terms again. Ray appreciated that. They could sort out legalities later, when they were both in a better place. It wasn’t going to be an ugly separation. They were never officially married but common-law rules still applied. He wasn’t sure what that would mean for them financially. He’d have to look into it. They wouldn’t get lawyers unless it became too complicated. They were both sharp however, and knew how to read laws and figure out their nuances. They couldn’t do their jobs if they didn’t know how. There was a lot of legal bullshit that came with Ray breaking out of prisons for a living.

He got back to EmilVictor’s place while Jessica was still there. He walked in the door as she was getting ready to leave.

“Sorry,” he said when he bumped her with the door. She told him it was no problem and moved over so he could get in while she put on her shoes and coat. Ray quickly put the stuff he had brought back in the guest room and returned to the front entrance to politely see her out with EmilVictor.

Jessica shook his hand and said it was nice to see him again. She hugged her dad goodbye and promised to call to tell him when she was coming over again. Victor kissed her forehead and closed the door behind her. Ray watched the exchange curiously. He had no children of his own. He had never felt the urge to have any. His own life was a hassle, let alone being responsible for the wellbeing of a child.

EmilVictor clapped his hands together. “Well,” he said cheerfully, “she likes you.”

“How could she not?” Ray said jokingly. “I’m clearly the best of us two.”

The other man shoved Ray’s shoulder playfully. “Also, you can call me ‘Emil’, if that’s easier.”

Ray tilted his head to the side. ‘Emil’ instead of ‘Victor’, or ‘EmilVictor’ as he had become in Ray’s head. “Thanks Emil,” he said.

 

* * *

 

It didn’t take long for Ray to settle into living with Emil. He adapted to the routine easily. Jessica stopped by every few days to check in. Sometimes it was for work, other times it was to visit. Emil worked late into the night on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. The other days he would only work during the day. He believed that a balanced life was essential. If he worked too much, it had the potential to affect his performance when he was absolutely needed to give it his all. They would go to the gym together on the nights neither of them was working late. Ray went back to work at his firm not too long after moving in. He and Abigail still walked on eggshells around each other but it was okay. Ray was mostly doing consulting at prisons he had already broken out of. He would go and review the changes made, talk with the staff, check on the wardens. He was not ready to be incarcerated yet.

The nightmares had died down. He and Emil began spending nights together, it didn’t matter whose bed they were in. Emil remarked one morning that Ray always looked like he hadn’t slept the night before and Ray broke down and told him about the dreams. Emil didn’t tell him that they were just dreams and that they didn’t matter; he instead held Ray and let him vent all he had to say about the nightmares. Then he made Ray sleep with him that night. There was no sex; they simply drifted off in each other’s arms.

They talked about Ray’s burns. Emil forced Ray to quit burning himself. The tall German supposed that a psychologist would criticize his methods but they were effective. He wouldn’t let Ray wear long sleeved shirts for a long time. He took Ray’s lighter and matches. He quit smoking cigars while Ray struggled through the urges to hurt himself. Emil would not have anything in the apartment that Ray could use to hurt himself. He wasn’t worried about sharp objects but he hid all cigar lighters, matches, candles, and barbeque lighters. There was no shaming about it. Emil never made Ray feel guilty or bad for hurting himself and eventually Ray began to lose the desire to burn himself to feel things. He was learning to feel alive through other activities. A good workout at the gym, for example, or a game of chess with Emil.

He and Emil discussed sexuality a few weeks later. It was a Saturday evening and they were on the couch together watching some television show Ray didn’t care for. Emil was addicted to reality TV. He said he liked it to unwind mentally. Shows that required no thought to watch were a way for him to relax. Ray was doing a crossword in the newspaper and doing his best to ignore the TV screen when Emil asked: “Are you gay?”

“Huh?” Ray wrote the final letter for one of his answers and looked up. Emil had just come back from the kitchen with two beers. He handed one to Ray and sat where he had been before.

“Are you gay?”

Ray had never really thought about it. He liked women. That was evident from his long-term relationship with Abigail, but he had never thought to put a label on his sexuality. He supposed that he could classify himself as bisexual. He was incredibly attracted to Emil, and had felt some attraction to other men before, but Emil was the first man he had ever wanted to be with romantically before. “I don’t really know. I don’t think so.”

“I’m bisexual,” Emil said after taking a sip from his beer. It was a Canadian import, a lot stronger and more flavourful than Ray usually drank. “I was just wondering what your deal was.” He was really curious about Ray’s sexuality. They hadn’t had sex yet. There was a romantic element to their relationship and they made out a lot, but they hadn’t had sex. Emil didn’t want to push Ray for it until he was ready but he still found it odd for them to not have fucked yet.

“I guess I could be bisexual too,” Ray said, almost to himself. “I’ve dated lots of women, but there are hot guys out there. You’re my first boyfriend, though.”

Bingo. That explained it.

The show came back from commercial. Emil’s attention was suddenly absorbed there. They drank their beers in silence as the sound from the TV filled the room. Ray tried to go back to his crossword but found himself distracted. Emil was so casual about himself. Ray never tried to figure out that part of his life before. He had been happy with how things were. Abigail leaving him was awful, he cried over it for a few nights, muffled by his pillow, but it had also opened a door. Emil was the introduction to a different kind of life. Ray didn’t think that gay people were different from straight people, he wasn’t that old or stupid, but being with Emil was certainly bringing out a side of him he had never cultivated before. He felt that he could let go and be vulnerable if he wanted, or needed. Emil had already seen him brought down to the lowest he had ever been, so if Ray wanted to talk about his feelings he didn’t feel less masculine for it. Emil also challenged him. Both of them liked to compete in little ways; who would outlast the other at the gym, who could win at chess, who could clean up the kitchen the fastest. It probably sounded stupid to other people, but Ray liked it. He loved the life he was building here.

And goddamn if Emil didn’t turn him on.

Another commercial break. Ray set his beer down and shifted to grab Emil’s. “Hey!” Emil protested but stopped when he realized what Ray was doing. The dark haired man pushed Emil so he was lying down on the couch. Ray straddled Emil’s hips and supported himself with both hands on either side of his boyfriend’s head.

“You finally stepping up to the plate?” Emil asked with a teasing grin.

“Come find out.”


	4. Chapter 4

Victor wasn’t picking up his phone again. Jessica hung up in irritation. She was at the airport. She had just flown in from Germany and her dad had said he would come pick her up as soon as she called. What was going on? She dialed Ray instead. She didn’t want to have to ask him but maybe he knew where her dad was.

“Hello?”

“Hi Ray, it’s Jessica. Do you know where Dad is? He was supposed to get me from the airport.”

“I think he’s sleeping,” Ray sounded apologetic. “I can come get you if you want. I’m out of the apartment.”

Jessica chewed on her bottom lip. She hated having to ask Ray to get her. Her dad had promised to pick her up and she felt like she was being an inconvenience. “I could take a cab.”

“No, come on. Emil would be pissed if I let his kid take a cab home. I’ll come get you.”

Ray showed up around ten minutes later. He put his car in park and got out to help Jessica carry her suitcase and put it in the trunk. She got in to the passenger seat once it was safely stowed. Ray popped the car into drive just as an airport employee approached the car to tell them they were in a taxi lane and couldn’t park there.

Jessica noticed some marks on Ray’s neck. They were bruises that were most definitely fresh. Most of them were hidden by Ray’s shirt but one in particular stood out just above his collar. “So, you and Dad are getting pretty serious?”

Ray gave her a sharp look. She motioned to his neck. He flipped down the sun visor and glanced at his reflection. His face paled with mortification. Emil had given him hickeys and he hadn’t even noticed. “Fuck,” he said and flipped the sun visor back up.

“It’s okay,” Jessica said, fighting to keep from laughing, “I don’t care.”

Ray groaned. “I care. Fuck, Emil.”

Jessica hid her grin by looking out the window. They would be getting to the apartment soon. She wondered if her dad was sleeping because he had fucked Ray before Ray had left to do whatever he was doing before volunteering to get her. The thought made her uncomfortable and she tried to think about other things. She didn’t mind hearing about her dad’s dates and romantic life but the sex part was usually something she actively avoided.

Ray insisted on hauling her suitcase for her. She didn’t live with them but Emil was going to be driving her home later. She would put her suitcase in his SUV when they left. They got in the door and found Emil immerging from the bathroom. He was wearing a pair of gym shorts but nothing else. His hair was wet, which meant he had just showered.

“When did you get in?”

“Like an hour ago,” Jessica said. “You weren’t answering your phone so Ray picked me up.”

Emil walked over to give his daughter a hug. “Oh my God, I’m sorry. I was sleeping and my phone was on silent. I haven’t even looked at it.”

“It’s okay,” Jessica ruffled her dad’s wet hair. “It gave Ray and me a chance to talk.”

Ray’s face flushed red.

 

* * *

 

Abigail broached the subject of where Ray was living three weeks later. Ray had been completely moved out for two months. Neither of them wanted to have the conversation but the longer it was put off the harder it would be to discuss. They were in his office. He was sitting at his desk and she was across from him, leaning on the arm of a chair. It looked casual to an outside viewer but both of them knew that by Abigail not sitting down completely, it was sign that they weren’t quite ready to be friends.

“I’m staying with Emil,” Ray told her.

The statement hung in the air. Abigail gave a weak smile and said “I didn’t know he was in town. How is he? How are you?”

“We’re fine.” Ray wouldn’t tell her about how intense Emil was. He wouldn’t tell her about his tumultuous moods, how he loved just as hard as he fought and how he immersed himself equally in boredom as he did with things that interested him. How could he tell her about the way Emil worked obsessively when a task was set before him, how he chewed on his thumbnail when he thought about what move to make next in chess. It would be rude of him to describe how Emil sometimes recited poetry, first in German then in English, when there was a quiet moment in the apartment. It would break Abigail’s heart to hear that he had grown fond of Jessica and was slowly becoming another father-figure in her life. ‘ _We’re fine_ ’ was enough for her to hear for now.

“Maybe we could go out for drinks some time,” Abigail suggested hesitantly.

Ray sat up a little straighter. “What? Really?”

“Why not?” Abigail said. “I still want us to be involved in each other’s lives, Ray. If he’s a part of your life, then I want to extend my friendship.”

 

* * *

 

Emil smoothed the collar of his dress shirt in the mirror. Ray was beside him, adjusting his sleeve cuffs. “How do I look?” Emil asked.

“Great,” Ray grunted, not even glancing up. Emil elbowed him and Ray snapped profanity.

“Relax,” Emil told him. “It’ll be fun.”

“I’m going to puke,” Ray complained. They were leaving to meet Abigail for drinks soon. She had picked a nice wine bar and they agreed to meet at seven pm. Ray had been in a distracted mood all day. Emil thought it was kind of funny. Jessica did, too. She found out about their plans for the evening when she had come by during the morning to drop off some documents for Emil. Things were brewing in Europe and Emil was going to be flying out soon. That didn’t help Ray’s mood. He hadn’t had nightmares in awhile since they had started sleeping in the same bed. He was worried that the nightmares would come back while he was gone.

They took Emil’s SUV. He volunteered to drive because Ray was so tense. Personally, he wasn’t worried about this meeting with Abigail. He thought it would be good for Ray to see that the two of them were moving on. It was a motion for truce from Abigail, a gesture that said “I’m ready to let go and I want you to let go, too.”

It was a little bit before seven when they arrived. Emil parked a few blocks down and they walked to the wine bar. Ray sulked like a child being forced to the dentist but Emil’s steps were light. Abigail was already seated at a table when they walked in and waved them over with a delicate white hand. Emil had not met Abigail in person yet and could see why Ray had been so in love with her. When they reached the table Emil kissed Abigail’s hand before shaking it. She laughed at his manners and smiled when they took the seats on the other side of the table.

“So you’re Emil,” she said pleasantly. “Thank you for looking after Ray in the Tomb. I don’t know if he could have escaped without you.”

Emil accepted her thanks and didn’t damper the kind words by mentioning Javed or his death. They would have been completely screwed without Javed.

They ordered drinks from a bubbly waitress. Ray wasn’t big on wine. Emil knew more about it so he got whatever his boyfriend asked for.

“I don’t want to make any assumptions,” Abigail started, “but would I be correct to say that you two are a couple?”

“Yes,” Emil answered. Ray murmured something affirmative.

Abigail smiled again. “That’s great. I’m happy for you guys.”

They talked about banalities. Abigail knew better than to ask specifics about Emil’s work but she asked how it was going. He assured her it was fine. He mentioned his daughter and Abigail asked to see a picture. She had met Jessica before Ray had been incarcerated in the Tomb but that was Jessica under false pretenses. Ray ended up having to dig out his phone because Emil had none on his. The picture was one that Jessica had snapped on her phone and sent to Ray to show her dad. It was the three of them sitting together in the living room of the apartment. Emil was on the far left with his arm around Ray’s shoulder and Jessica was on the right next to Ray. She had taken the photo, she said, because she had almost no photos of her dad and Ray had been around long enough that she didn’t mind him being there. Ray didn’t want to show the photo to Abigail because it was very telling of the life he had built without her but she insisted on seeing it. He passed the cell to her. She had no visible reaction to the familial intimacy in the picture. “Jessica is very pretty,” was all she said.

It was an enjoyable night. When they all decided to leave, Ray offered to walk Abigail to her car. Emil said he would go and get his car and swing around to pick Ray up.

They walked arm in arm to Abigail’s car. “That went well,” Ray offered lamely.

“He’s very nice,” she said. “He seems good for you.”

“Yeah.” They had arrived at her car. Abigail let go of his arm. Neither knew what to say. “I hope that you’ll start dating when you’re ready,” Ray said.

Abigail patted his arm. “I’ll let you know when I do.”

Emil’s SUV pulled up into the parking space behind Abigail’s car. He gave a short wave that meant for them to take their time. Ray nodded in return. “I’d better get going. Emil’s going out of town in a few days.”

“Okay.” Abigail kissed his cheek. “It was nice seeing you like this. Let’s do it again sometime. I’d love to meet Jessica for real.”


	5. Chapter 5

Ray took Emil to the airport for a four am flight. He waited while Emil checked his bags. They loitered around as long as they could before Emil had to go through customs. Ray kissed him goodbye and hugged him tightly.

“I’ll call when I can,” Emil promised him. “I should only be gone for three weeks. I’ll be back before you know it. Jessica will be around. Don’t get too lonely.”

“I’ll be fine,” Ray grumbled, pretending that his stomach wasn’t upset and that he wasn’t dreading his first night alone in months.

“There’s a present for you at home,” Emil said. “It’s in the bedroom. I’ll talk to you when I land in France, okay?” He kissed Ray one more time and headed through to customs.

Ray didn’t wait around. He went back to the apartment. There was no use moping around at the airport. Even though Emil hadn’t left the country yet, they couldn’t see each other. Ray let himself back into the apartment, disconnected Emil’s security and went to crawl back into bed.

There was a small black box in the middle of the bed. “This must be the present,” Ray said out loud to himself. He opened it and started laughing. It was a tiny dream catcher. There was a note written in German beneath it. Ray had listened to Emil speak German enough to recognize what it said. The note read: “for my love.” Ray put the note in his wallet and hung the dream catcher from the bedpost.

 

* * *

 

Jessica came over in the afternoon. “Dad landed safely,” she said as soon as she walked in.

“Yeah.” Emil had called Ray over a video messenger they both downloaded to their phones when he got through security. Emil asked how he liked his present, promised he would be home as soon as he could, and for the first time before they said goodbye again, Emil said I love you. “I love you too,” Ray had replied in a tight voice.

They went out for lunch with Abigail the next day. When Ray told Jessica how Abigail wanted to meet her without pretense or false identities, Jessica made him arrange it right away. She was anxious about her dad’s return to Europe and this was something that could help keep her mind off of it. Emil, she had taken to calling him ‘Emil’ again rather than Victor, hadn’t been back to Europe since being arrested and thrown into the Tomb. She hoped the operation would go smoothly. She wanted her dad home safe as much as Ray did.

“Jessica,” Abigail said warmly, “it’s nice to see you again.”

“Back to you,” she said and shook Abigail’s hand. “I’m pleased that we can meet under more favourable circumstances. I’m sorry I helped put Ray in the Tomb. I was very desperate to free my father.”

Abigail received the apology graciously. “I understand. I probably would have done the same.”

Ray paid for everyone’s lunch. The event was a welcome distraction from Emil’s absence and he tipped the waiter generously. He drove Jessica back to the apartment. “That went well.”

“She’s nice,” Jessica said. “I don’t see how you picked Emil over her.”

Ray laughed.

 

* * *

 

Ray broke out of a prison while Emil was gone. He needed something to fill the empty time while his boyfriend was away. Doing checkups on prisons he had already broken out of was growing boring. He needed a challenge. Abigail brought him a few portfolios to look through. He picked out an easy one, a prison in a city about two hours away. He wanted to ease back into the work, nothing too complex.

It took him a week and a half to escape. The payoff wasn't exactly five million but it still felt incredible to bank that cheque. Ray’s confidence was boosted. The nightmares that had been creeping back into his sleep despite the dream catcher Emil gave him dissipated. He wondered if they’d be back or if they were gone for good. The urges to burn himself stole over him often, however. He could do it and be healed before Emil would even be in the country.

He took a pack of matches into the bathroom with him one night. He was stripped down to his boxers and sat on the edge of the bathtub. He lit a match at watched it burn until the searing heat made him blow it out. The burnt tips of his fingers throbbed with pain. He tossed the spent match in the garbage and lit another, this time he touched it to the inside of his thigh. The flame went out and Ray hissed. It hurt but not too badly. He lit another and let it burn down for awhile before doing it again. He repeated it four more times until he had six red marks on the skin of his thigh. They weren’t horrible burns and would heal up quickly. They probably wouldn’t even scar. He bought a tube of vitamin E oil from the corner store after supper that same night.

Emil called him two days later to say when his flight would get in. “I’ll be there to pick you up,” Ray said, elated. Emil was coming home. His boyfriend would be back soon.

 

* * *

 

Ray arrived at the airport around noon. Emil’s flight would be landing any minute. Ray paced around the airport restlessly. He browsed a few souvenir shops and pretended like he wasn’t impatient. He bought a coffee but found he couldn’t drink it. He poured it out in the men’s washroom and tossed the empty cup in the trash. When his phone finally buzzed with a text from Emil saying the plane just landed, Ray forced himself to walk at a normal speed to the baggage claim.

Emil looked great as he came out of the gate. Ray had to try very hard to stay in the spot he had claimed by the baggage return so they could grab Emil’s luggage quickly. When Emil reached him, he practically tackled Ray with a huge hug. “I missed you,” he said fiercely.

“I missed you, too.” Ray inhaled Emil’s scent. He smelled like French cologne, cigars, and mint gum. They released each other from the hug. Both of them had goofy smiles. “How did everything go?” Ray asked.

“Very well,” Emil’s voice was full of satisfaction. “We’re moving forward. That’s all I’ll say.”

Emil described France to Ray as they drove home. He refused to talk about his work so he made a point of exploring where he was in France so he had something to tell Ray about. When they got to the apartment, the door was just closed when Ray pushed Emil against the wall and kissed him. Emil laughed into the kiss and returned it with ferocity. They wrestled each other out of their jackets. They tripped over each other and their shoes as they kicked them off and made their way to the bedroom. Emil tore open Ray’s dress shirt and luckily did not pop off any of the buttons. It was a blue one that Ray knew Emil loved how it looked on him.

They somehow made it to the bed but would have been content on the floor. Emil pinned Ray to the mattress and made his way down his boyfriend’s body. He tousled Ray’s hair affectionately, feeling the familiar texture he had missed so much. He ran his hands over Ray’s biceps and broad chest. He trailed his tongue along Ray’s stomach, kissing and biting. He growled at Ray’s moans and he put his hands on Ray’s thighs. He let his fingers walk across the warm, smooth skin. Muscles tensed beneath his touch. Ray lifted his hips and let Emil pull his boxers off. They were tossed aside when Emil paused.

“What happened here?” he asked. There were six red marks placed evenly along Ray’s inner thigh. They looked too organized to be accidental.

“Fuck,” Ray breathed. He had forgotten. The burns hadn’t healed as quickly as he thought they would. Emil sat up to look him right in the eyes. Ray berated himself silently. His dick was hard and he knew that Emil’s was too, but he wouldn’t continue until they addressed it. “I had a relapse when you were gone. That’s all. Can we please talk about this after?”

Emil’s blue eyes were still locked on his. Finally he blinked, looked away, and said “yeah.” He returned to his previous position. He bent his head to press his lips against the burn marks. Ray sucked in a deep breath. The burns no longer hurt but this was a very deliberate gesture by Emil. Ray let his head fall back against the bed. Emil’s mouth was hot. Hot like a flame. It was like every kiss was being seared into his flesh. Emil’s kisses did more than the fire from a match ever could. Ray self-medicated with burning because it made him feel pain and emotions when he was threatening to be lost in a mental fog. Burning made his brain jumpstart awake and his thinking became clear. Emil caused the same effects just by being close by. Ray knew it wasn’t healthy to have this dependence on Emil but he would overcome that later. He had too many other demons to conquer first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> end of part 1. I hope to get part 2 out soon.


End file.
